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Risk

August 10, 2019

 

Risk.

 

This was written as a spoken-word poem, it was made to be read aloud.

 

 

 

 

I’d known you for years, we grew up in the same town
I used to listen to you talk about some new girl that you’d found

You’d talk about how you met like it was destiny
How you’d fallen in love and you’re finally free
But I’d roll my eyes because you’d say that every time
As you kept banging on about your matching star signs
And then the day comes when she leaves your heart
And tears in apart and leaves it in two halves
You’d put on a brave face and say “that’s how it goes”
And I’d talk about how I wanna break her nose
And you’d roll your eyes because I’d say that every time
And we both know, I’d never last in a fight
So all I could do is put my head on your shoulder
And say things like 'it won’t matter when we’re older'
I always did my best, to stop you feeling alone
I’d turn up at your house if you weren't on your phone
And we’d just sit there together, for hours on end
I’m not sure I ever told you, you were my best friend.
We had different friends in school, we ran in different circles
It was probably that you were a boy, and I was a girl ‘cause

Looking back, that was the reason - which was really f*cking stupid

Just everyone assumed you can’t be friends with out Cupid
I used to call you by your last name, you used to call me sis
Until you found some new friends who began to take the piss
But you’d listen to them more and more each day
I can still remember feeling you, start to pull away 

I’d never see you in the mornings, you’d be out late at night
You’d be out there with your new friends, learning how to fight
One day we stopped talking, one day I’d had enough
When you covered your arms with ink, and you filled your veins with drugs

From that day forward, we lived deliberately apart 

And we were no longer two minds with one heart
The next few years were boring, I didn’t have you there
So I learned to walk in heels and I learned to dye my hair
It wasn’t the true me, I’d never claim it was
I guess I did what you did, except I did it because
I was feeling lonely, you’d pissed off somewhere else
I guess that when I lost you, in a way I lost myself
But those clearly weren’t your reasons, don’t tell me it’s the same

But I guess motives are irrelevant ‘cause at the end of the day
We were both sell outs, both gave up on our dreams
We both bowed to peer pressure and called it 'what was meant to be'.

 

 

We’d continue on the paths we picked, we’d both follow them blind

We’d move away from who we were, without a look behind
You’d never find out where I’d end up, but I’d find out about you
I think about that risk you took - and wonder if you knew 

That taking that risk would take you away, from everyone you love
And it wouldn’t make you cool, not something to be proud of
Had you thought about where it would take you and where you’d end up

I wonder if you’d hit a point where you’d had enough
I’d heard you went by a different name, but I don’t know if that was true

All I know is I hated that call, I got from your mum about you
I guess the world didn’t here me worrying, didn’t hear me cry
It didn’t hear me when I told it, you were too young to die. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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